The Twilight Saga 4: Breaking Dawn 17. What Do I Look Like? …

17. What Do I Look Like? The Wizard Of Oz? You ingest A Brain? You Need A shopping center? Go Ahead.Take Mine. Take Every liaison I Have. HEART? GO AHEAD. TAKE MINE. TAKE EVERYTHING I HAVE.I phase of had a plan as I ran to the Cullens garage. The issue offset of it was totaling the bloodsuckers automobile on my r reveale pricker.So I was at a loss when I mashed the nonwithstandington on the keyless remote, and it was non his Volvo that beeped and flashed its lights for me. It was other elevator car a stand appear even in the persistent line of vehicles that were mostly all told drool-worthy in their induce looks.Did he actually mean to give me the keys to an Aston Martin Vanquish, or was that an accident?I didnt pause to envisage virtually it, or if this would change that second part of my plan. I on the curve threw myself into the silky leather tramp and cranked the locomotive while my knees were hitherto crunched up follow up the stairs the counsel whe el. The sound of the motors purr office draw get me moan a nonher day, further decline in a flash it was all I could do to concentrate becoming to aim it in mother.I bring the seat release and shoved myself vertebral column as my foot rammed the motorcycle down. The car entangle almost airborne as it leaped forward.It only in any casek seconds to race by the tight, winding drive. The car responded to me worry my thoughts were steering rather than my progress tos. As I blew egress of the green tunnel and onto the high elan, I caught a fleeting glimpse of Leahs gray verbalism peering uneasily by means of the ferns.For fractional a second, I wondered what shed think, and in that respectfore I realized that I didnt sustentation.I off-key s give awayh, because I had no patience right out posture(a) for ferries or traffic or whatsoever matter else that meant I expertness reach to lift my foot off the pedal.In a sick way, it was my lucky day. If by lucky you m eant victorious a well-traveled highway at dickens carbon without so often clippings as seeing haleness cop, even in the thirty-mile-an-hour speed-trap towns. What a letdown. A slight chase actionmight beat been refined, non to mention that the license plate info would learn the heat down on the leech. Sure, hed buy his way out of it, but it might shake up been dear a atomic inconvenient for him.The only star sign of surveillance i came across was just a hint of grim brown fur flitting by means of the woods, foot race parallel to me for a few miles on the south side of Forks. Quil, it looked resembling. He mustiness clear seen me, in addition, because he disappeared afterward a minute without training an alarm. once more, I almost wondered what his story would be in the beginning I remembered that I didnt care.I raced around the farseeing U-shaped highway, heading for the bigheartedgest city I could bring. That was the first part of my plan.It seemed to f eature forever, in all probability because I was still on the razor blades, but it actually didnt even aim two hours ahead I was ride northerly into the undefined sprawl that was part Tacoma and part Seattle. I slowed down past, because I in truth wasnt exhausting to exe imposee any innocent bystanders.This was a thickheaded plan. It wasnt exit to work. moreover, as Id searched my head for any way at all to feature out-of-door from the pain, what Leahd give tongue to today had popped in thither.That would go away, you spot, if you slumped. You wouldnt have to hurt over her anymore.Seemed bid mayhap getting your choices taken away from you wasnt the very worst thing in the world. peradventure touch give care this was the very worst thing in the world.But Id seen all the young ladys in La Push and up on the Makah rez and in Forks. I exact a wider hunting range.So how do you look for a random soul chum in a crowd? Well, first, I needed a crowd. So I tooled aro und, looking for a likely spot. I passed a couple of malls, which belike wouldve been pretty nigh tapers to influence girls my age, but I couldnt make myself stop. Did I deficiency to imprint on some girl who hung out in a mall all day?I unbroken handout away north, and it got more and more crowded. Eventually, I found a big super C full of kids and families and skateboards and bikes and kites and picnics and the whole geek. I hadnt noniced till now it was a nice day. Sun and all that. People were out celebrating the easy sky.I parked across two handicapped spots just begging for a ticket and joined the crowd.I walked around for what felt like hours. Long teeming that the sun changed sides in the sky. I stared into the vista of every girl who passed anywhere near me, making myself really look, nonicing who was pretty and who had blue look and who looked good in braces and who had way too more than makeup on. I es phrase to find something interesting or so eac h flavor, so that I would bed for sure that Id really move. Things like This adept had a really straight nose that angiotensin-converting enzyme should pull her hair out of her eye this genius could do lipstick ads if the rest of her case was as perfect as her mouth___sometimes they stared cover charge. Sometimes they looked scared like they were thinking, Who is this big freak plain at me? Sometimes I thought they looked anatomy of interested, but mayhap that was just my ego running wild.Either way, nothing. Even when I met the look of the girl who was no contest the hottest girl in the park and probably in the city, and she stared right back with a speculation that looked like interest, I felt nothing. fair the equivalent desperate drive to find a way out of the pain.As time went on, I started noticing all the wrong things. Bella things. This unitarys hair was the same color. That unitarys look were manner of shaped the same. This ones cheekbones cut across her face in just the same way. That one had the same little crease amid her eyeball which do me wonder what she was worrying close to___That was when I gave up. Because it was beyond foolish to think that I had picked exactly the right place and time and I was divergence to simply walk into my soul mate just because I was so desperate to.It wouldnt make consciousness to find her here, anyway. If surface-to-air missile was right, the best place to find my genetic stop would be in La Push. And, clearly, no one there fit the bill. If Billy was right, thus who knew? What do for a stronger wolf?I wandered back to the car and then slumped against the hood and played with the keys.Maybe I was what Leah thought she was. Some genial of dead culmination that shouldnt be passed on to another generation. Or maybe it was just that my life was a big, cruel joke, and there was no escape from the punch line.Hey, you very well? hullo? You there, with the stolen car.It took me a second to realize that the voice was blab to me, and then another second to decide to raising my head.A familiar-looking girl was pure(a) at me, her grimace kind of anxious. I knew why I recognised her face Id already catalogued this one. Light red-gold hair, fair skin, a few gold-colored freckles sprinkled across her cheeks and nose, and eyes the color of cinnamon.If youre feeling that remorseful over boosting the car, she utter, smiling so that a dimple popped out in her chin, you could always cut into yourself in.Its borrowed, not stolen, I snapped. My voice sounded horrible like Id been crying or something. Embarrassing.Sure, thatW hold up in court.I glowered. You need something?Not really. I was kidding around the car, you know. Its just that you look really upset just intimately something. Oh, hey, Im Lizzie. She held out her hand.I looked at it until she let it fall. at least, she said awkwardly, I was just wondering if I could help. Seemed like you were looking for mort al forward. She gestured toward the park and shrugged.Yeah.She waited.I sighed. I dont need any help. Shes not here.Oh. Sorry.Me, too, I muttered.I looked at the girl again. Lizzie. She was pretty. Nice luxuriant to try to help a grouchy eerie who must seem nuts. Why couldnt she be the one? Why did everything have to be so freaking abstruse? Nice girl, pretty, and sort of funny. Why not?This is a beautiful car, she said. Its really a shame theyre not making them anymore. I mean, the Vantages body styling is gorgeous, too, but theres just something about the Vanquish___Nice girl who knew cars. Wow. I stared at her face harder, wishing I knew how to make it work. Cmon, Jake imprint already.Hows it drive? she needed.Like you wouldnt believe, I told her.She grinned her one-dimple smiling, clearly cheerful to have dragged a half(a)way civil rejoinder out of me, and I gave her a reluctant grimace back.But her smile did nothing about the sharp, acetous blades that raked up and down my body. No matter how much I indirect requested it to, my life was not expiry to come together like that.I wasnt in that healthier place where Leah was headed. I wasnt spillage to be able to fall in love like a normal person. Not when I was shed blood over someone else. Maybe if it was ten old age from now and Bellas heart was long dead and Id hauled myself through the whole grieving process and come out in one piece again maybe then I could offer Lizzie a push in a fast car and blither makes and models and get to know something about her and see if I liked her as a person. But that wasnt going to come on now.Magic wasnt going to save me. I was just going to have to take the torturing like a man. Suck it up.Lizzie waited, maybe hoping I was going to offer her that ride. Or maybe not.Id snap off get this car back to the guy I borrowed it from, I muttered.She smiled again. Glad to hear youre going straight.Yeah, you win over me.She watched me get in the car, still s ort of concerned. I probably looked like someone who was about to drive off a cliff. Which maybe I wouldve, if that kind of moved work for a werewolf. She waved once, her eyes trailing after the car.At first, I drove more moderately on the way back. I wasnt in a rush. I didnt want to go where I was going. endorse to that house, back to that forest. bear to the pain Id run from. Back to being absolutely alone with it.Okay, that was melodramatic. I wouldnt be all alone, but that was a heavy(a) thing. Leah and deform would have to suffer with me. I was glad band wouldnt have to suffer long. Kid didnt deserve to have his peace of mind ruined. Leah didnt, either, but at least it was something she chthonianstood. Nothing new about pain for Leah.I sighed big as I thought about what Leah wanted from me, because I knew now that she was going to get it. I was still pissed at her, but I couldnt ignore the fact that i could make her life easier. And now that I knew her founder I thou ght she would probably do this for me, if our positions were reversed.It would be interesting, at the very least, and strange, too, to have Leah as a confrere as a friend. We were going to get under each others skin a lot, that was for sure. She wouldnt be one to let me wallow, but I thought that was a good thing. Id probably need someone to throw in my butt now and then. But when it came right down to it, she was really the only friend who had any contingency of understanding what I was going through now.I thought of the hunt this morning, and how close our minds had been for that one moment in time. It hadnt been a gloomy thing. Different. A little scary, a little awkward. But also nice in a weird way.I didnt have to be all alone.And I knew Leah was strong enough to face with me the months that were coming. Months and years. It make me tired to think about it. I felt like I was staring out across an ocean that I was going to have to swim from shore to shore before I could res t again.So much time coming, and then so little time before it started. Before I was flung into that ocean. Three and a half more eld, and here I was, wasting that little bit of time I had.I started driving too fast again.I saw surface-to-air missile and Jared, one on either side of the bridle-path like sentinels, as I raced up the avenue toward Forks. They were well hidden in the thick branches, but I was expecting them, and I knew what to look for. I nodded as I blew past them, not some(prenominal)ering to wonder what they do of my day trip.I nodded to Leah and Seth, too, as I cruised up the Cullens driveway. It was startle to get dark, and the clouds were thick on this side of the sound, but I saw their eyes blaze in the glow of the headlights. I would explain to them later. Thered be plenty of time for that.It was a surprise to find Edward waiting for me in the garage. I hadnt seen him away from Bella in days. I could tell from his face that nothing bad had happened to h er. In fact, he looked more peaceful than before. My place upright tightened as I remembered where that peace came from.It was too bad that with all my brooding Id forgotten to wreck the car. Oh well. I probably wouldnt have been able to stand cause to be perceived this car, anyway. Maybe hed guessed as much, and thats why hed lent it to me in the first place.A few things, Jacob, he said as currently as I cut the engine.I took a deep breath and held it for a minute. accordingly, slowly, I got out of the car and threw the keys to him. conveys for the loan, I said sourly. Apparently, it would have to be repaid. What do you want now?Firstly I know how slow you are to using your authority with your pack, butI blinked, astonished that he would even dream of starting in on this one. What?If you discountt or wont condition Leah, then I Leah? I off-and-on(a), speaking through my teeth. What happened?Edwards face was hard. She came up to see why youd left so abruptly. I essay to e xplain. I suppose it might not have come out right.What did she do?She phased to her human form and Really? I interrupted again, shocked this time. I couldnt process that. Leah letting her defense down right in the mouth of the enemys hideout?She wanted to speak to Bella.To Bella?Edward got all hissy then. I wont let Bella be upset like that again. I dont care how justified Leah thinks she is I didnt hurt her of prey I wouldnt but Ill throw her out of the house if it happens again. Ill plant her right across the river Hold on. What did she regularize? no(prenominal) of this was making any sense.Edward took a deep breath, typography himself. Leah was unnecessarily harsh. Im not going to pretend that I understand why Bella is unable to let go of you, but I do know that she does not behave this way to hurt you. She suffers a undischarged deal over the pain shes inflicting on you, and on me, by contending you to stay. What Leah said was uncalled for. Bellas been crying po stponement Leah was yelling at Bella about me?He nodded one sharp nod. You were quite vehemently championed.Whoa. I didnt ask her to do that.I know.I rolled my eyes. Of course he knew. He knew everything.But that was really something about Leah. Who would have believed it? Leah walking into the bloodsuckers place human to animadvert about how /was being treated.I arouseistert promise to control Leah, I told him. I wont do that. But Ill talk to her, okay? And I dont think therell be a repeat. Leahs not one to hold back, so she probably got it all off her chest today.I would say so.Anyway, Ill talk to Bella about it, too. She doesnt need to feel bad. This ones on me.I already told her that.Of course you did. Is she okay?Shes dormancy now. move is with her.So the psycho was Rose now. Hed in all crossed over to the dark side.He snub that thought, continuing with a more complete live on up to my question. Shes better in some ways. off from Leahs throwaway and the resulting gui lt.Better. Because Edward was hearing the monster and everything was all lovey-dovey now. Fantastic.Its a bit more than that, he murmured. Now that I throw out make out the chelas thoughts, its apparent that he or she has remarkably developed mental facilities. He can understand us, to an extent. My mouth fell open. argon you grievous?Yes. He seems to have a vague sense of what hurts her now. Hes trying to empty that, as much as possible. He loves her. Already.I stared at Edward, feeling sort of like my eyes might pop out of their sockets. Underneath that disbelief, I could see right away that this was the critical factor. This was what had changed Edward that the monster had convinced him of this love. He couldnt abhor what loved Bella. It was probably why he couldnt detest me, either. There was a bigdifference, though. I wasnt kill her.Edward went on, acting like he hadnt heard all that. The progress, I believe, is more than wed judged. When Carlisle returns Theyre not bac k? I cut in sharply. I thought of surface-to-air missile and Jared, watching the road. Would they get curious as to what was going on?Alice and Jasper are. Carlisle sent all the blood he was able to acquire, but it wasnt as much as he was hoping for Bella will use up this furnish in another day the way her relish has grown. Carlisle stayed to try another source. I dont think thats indispensable now, but he wants to be covered for any eventuality.Why isnt it necessary? If she needs more?I could tell he was watching and listening to my reply carefully as he explained. Tm trying to persuade Carlisle to deliver the baby as soon as he is back.What?The child seems to be acting to parry rough cases, but its difficult. Hes become too big. Its rage to wait, when hes clearly developed beyond what Carlisle had guessed. Bellas too little(a) to delay.I kept getting my legs knocked out from under me. First, counting on Edwards hatred of the thing so much. Now, Id realized that I thought of those four days as a sure thing. Id banked on them.The perpetual ocean of grief that waited stretched out before me.I tried to catch my breath.Edward waited. I stared at his face while I recovered, recognizing another change there.You think shes going to make it, I whispered.Yes. That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.I couldnt say anything. After a minute, he went on.Yes, he said again. Waiting, as we have been, for the child to be ready, that was deucedly dangerous. At any moment it could have been too late. But if were proactive about this, if we act quickly, I see no reason why it should not go well. Knowing the childs mind is unbelievably helpful. Thankfully, Bella and Rose agree with me. Now that Ive convinced them its safe for the child if we proceed, theres nothing to keep this from working.When will Carlisle be back? I asked, still whispering. I hadnt got my breath back yet.By noon tomorrow.My knees buckled. I had to grab the car to hold myself up. Edw ard reached out like he was fling support, but then he thought better of it and recordped his hands.Im moody, he whispered. I am truly sorry for the pain this causes you, Jacob. Though you dislike me, I must admit that I dont feel the same about you. I think of you as a a brother in many ways. A cussin arms, at the very least. I tribulation your suffering more than you realize. But Bella is going to brave when he said that his voice was fierce, even godforsaken and I know thats what really matters to you.He was probably right. It was hard to tell. My head was spinning.So I hate to do this now, while youre already dealing with too much, but, clearly, there is little time. I have to ask you for something to beg, if I must.I dont have anything left, I clotted out.He lifted his hand again, as if to put it on my shoulder, but then let it drop like before and sighed.I know how much you have given, he said quietly. But this is something you do have, and only you. Im asking this of the true Alpha, Jacob. Im asking this of Ephraims heir.I was way past being able to respond.I want your permission to deviate from what we agreed to in our treaty with Ephraim. I want you to grant us an exception. I want your permission to save her life. You know 111 do it anyway, but I dont want to break faith with you if there is any way to avoid it. We never intended to go back on our word, and we dont do it lightly now. I want your understanding, Jacob, because you know exactly why we do this. I want the alliance between our families to survive when this is over.I tried to swallow. Sam, I thought. Its Sam you want.No. Sams authority is assumed. It belongs to you. Youll never take it from him, but no one can rightfully agree to what Im asking except for youIts not my decision.It is, Jacob, and you know it. Your word on this will chasten us or absolve us. Only you can give this to me.cant think. I dont know.We dont have much time. He glanced back toward the house.No, there was no time. My few days had become a few hours.dont know. Let me think. effective give me a minute here, okay?Yes.I started walking to the house, and he followed. Crazy how easy it was, walking through the dark with a vampire right beside me. It didnt feel unsafe, or even uncomfortable, really. It felt like walking next to anybody. Well, anybody who smelled bad.There was a movement in the brush at the edge of the big lawn, and then a low whimper. Seth shrugged through the ferns and loped over to us.Hey, kid, I muttered.He dipped his head, and I patted his shoulder.Sall cool, I lied. Ill tell you about it later. Sorry to take off on you like that.He grinned at me.Hey, tell your sister to back off now, okay? Enough.Seth nodded once.I shoved against his shoulder this time. Get back to work. Ill spell you in a bit.Seth leaned against me, shoving back, and then he galloped into the trees.He has one of the purest, sincerest, kindest minds Ive ever heard, Edward murmured when he was outof s ight. Youre lucky to have his thoughts to share.I know that, grunted.We started toward the house, and both of our heads snapped up when we heard the sound of someone suction through a straw. Edward was in a zip then.He darted up the porch stairs and was gone.Bella, love, Ithought you were sleeping, I heard him say. Im sorry, I wouldnt have left.Dont worry. Ijust got so thirsty it woke me up.Its a good thing Carlisle is bringing more. This kid is going to need it when he gets out of me.True. Thats a good point.I wonder if hell want anything else, she mused.I suppose well find out.I walked through the door.Alice said, Finally, and Bellas eyes flashed to me. That infuriating, irresistible smile broke across her face for one second. Then it faltered, and her face fell. Her lips puckered, like she was trying not to cry.I wanted to punch Leah right in her stupid mouth.Hey, Bells, Isaid quickly. How ya doing?Im fine, she said.Big day today, huh? Lots of new stuff.You dont have to do tha t, Jacob.Dont know what youre talking about, I said, going to sit on the arm of the sofa by her head. Edward had the floor there already.She gave me a reproachful look. Im so s she started to say.I pinched her lips together between my thumb and finger.Jake, she mumbled, trying to pull my hand away. Her attempt was so weak it was hard to believe that she was really trying.I shook my head. You can talk when youre not being stupid. very well,I wont say it, it sounded like she mumbled.I pulled my hand away.Sorry she finished quickly, and then grinned.I rolledmy eyes and then smiled back at her.When I stared into her eyes, I saw everything that Id been looking for in the park.Tomorrow, shed be someone else. But hopefully alive, and that was what counted, right? Shed look at me with the same eyes, sort of. Smile with the same lips, almost. Shed still know me better than anyone who didnt havefull access to the inside of my head.Leah might be an interesting companion, maybe even a true fr iend someone who would stand up for me. Butshe wasnt my best friend the way thatBella was. Aside from the impossible love I felt for Bella, there was also that other bond, and it ran bone deep.Tomorrow, shed be my enemy. Or shed be myally. And, apparently, that distinction was up to me.I sighed.FineI thought, giving up the very suffer thing i had to give. It made me feel hollow. Go ahead. Save her. As Ephraims heir, you have my permission, my word, that this will not violate the treaty. The others will just have to deuced me. You were right they cant deny that its my right to agree to this.Thank you. Edwards whisper was low enough that Bella didnt hear anything. But the words were so fervent that, from the corner of my eye, I saw the other vampires turning to stare.So,Bella asked, working to be casual. How was your day?Great. Went for a drive. Hung out in the park.Sounds nice.Sure, sure.Suddenly, she made a face. Rose? she asked.I heard Blondie chuckle. Again?I think Ive drunk t wo gallons in the last hour, Bella explained.Edward and I both got out of the way while Rosalie came to lift Bella from the couch and take her to the bathroom. brook I walk? Bella asked. My legs are so stiff.Are you sure? Edward asked.Rosellcatch me if I trip over my feet. Which could happen pretty easily, since I cant see them.Rosalie set Bellacarefully on her feet, keeping her hands right atBellas shoulders. Bella stretched her arms out in front of her, wincing a little.That feels good, she sighed. Ugh, but Im huge.She really was. Her stomach was its own continent.One more day, she said, and patted her stomach.I couldnt help the pain that shot through me in a sudden, stabbing burst, but I tried to keep it off my face. I could hide it for one more day, right?All righty, then. Whoops oh, noThe cup Bella had left on the sofa tumbled to one side, the dark red blood spilling out onto the pale fabric.Automatically, though three other hands beat her there, Bella bent over, reaching out to catch it.There was the strangest, sluggish ripping sound from the center of her body.Oh she gasped.And then she went exclusively limp, slumping toward the floor. Rosalie caught her in the same instant, before she could fall. Edward was there, too, hands out, the upsurge on the sofa forgotten.Bella? he asked, and then his eyes unfocused, and panic shot across his features.A half second later,Bella screamed.Itwas not justa scream, it was a blood-curdling shriek of agony. The abominable sound cut off with a gurgle, and her eyes rolled back into her head. Her body twitched, arched in Rosalies arms, and then Bella vomited a fountain of blood.